When Good People Have Affairs: Understanding Relationships & Emotional Conflicts in Affairs | Hardcover Book | Perfect for Marriage Counseling & Relationship Therapy

I had an affair 4 years ago, and got tired of my husband throwing it up in my face for the last 3. Like the average person, I never considered myself to be "that" type of person that would have an affair. It just happened. Now that my husband and I are splitting up, I started thinking about how I'm really not a bad person and got this book to try and help me make sense of what happened. This author speaks so well, it felt like I was getting advice from my friend down the road. It didn't talk above my head or give me a bunch of stuff but leave me wondering what to do with it.My marriage began the downhill slide to ending years ago. No need to go into those details, but suffice to say my husband (soon to be ex) has periodically labeled me this horrible human being for a 3 mos ordeal out of an 11 year marriage. Nevermind that he was unfaithful to his last wife and I have reason to suspect he's not been a saint this time, but no proof. Still, I got tired of hearing how the problems were all mine and went looking for a book that could help me figure out that either I was a monster and how to change or that I'm just a normal human. The author does well to show how we're all human and, while not condoning the idea of an affair, she does recongnize how it can happen. And it's not because those of us who do it are just bad people. It's because we're in situations we don't plan on, we find ourselves in bad relationships and maybe we're trying to stay together for the kids (that was me), but we should not be condemned forever. It just so happened that my home life was at an all-time low and I was being emotionally and verbally abused, and really thinking about why did I even want to continue being on this planet, when I happened to meet someone who told me I was important and a necessary part of the human race. Thank goodness, too, because in the end, it made me a better mom! At least, one that is still here.A lot of the text talks about the reader as being in a current relationship and having a person on the side, and how to decide what to do. I still felt it was extremely beneficial to read even tho my affair was over a long time ago. At the time, I was not "found out" so much as I confessed rather than lie about a situation My husband offered to help me get the guy back if that's what I wanted. . . how badly could he have been hurt if that was how he felt?!! The other person wasn't for me either, but he was put in my life at that time for a specific purpose. This book does not tell you what you've done is the right thing, but it helps you see why it happened, possibly how to avoid this same thing in the future and how to choose what you need from your life right now.I really like her style of writing. I'm a college graduate, but I've read books that talked to me like I was an idiot and gave me a bunch of information but no way to process it. The author speaks in a tone that anyone can relate to, it's just common speak, not technical or a bunch of words that send you running for Websters. She gives you a lot of information but also tells you what you need to think about, useful suggestions on processing it all, and what to do next.I'm almost done with another book of hers, and there's one waiting on me after that. Finally, an author of self-help books that really does help! It's wonderful!